I've earned my stripes, but it doesn't mean that I need to like them.

 

 

 

I guarantee I am not the first, and I won't be the last to admit that I preferred my pre-baby body over my post baby body.  I had much less sag, much more bladder control, and my stomach didn't resemble a deflated balloon.  I have the tendency to get a little depressed when I think about how I used to look and how I look now. The pictures above were taken in Istanbul and on the Black Sea.  Little did I know that I was a baby mama at the time (I just took that picture to document that Greg actually agreed to watch it with me).  I can't believe I thought I was so fat back then. 

 

 But the other day I heard this quote and it made me feel a little more love towards my not-so-perfect body because I have the ability to make oh-so-perfect babies. 

 



 "You're body is not ruined, you're a tiger who earned her stripes."

 

    First of all, this picture is so fake.  At least for 99% of mothers out there, we do not have a flat belly and a few stretch marks.  Our stomach has stretch marks AND flabby skin, AND dimples, and all other signs of being stretched almost beyond capacity. 

    Second, AMEN SISTER!  motherhood is an amazing thing and the fact that my body can nurture and grow another human is incredible.  So yes, I would say that instead of being left with these horrible marks, we need to look at them as something earned. 

 

...that being said, I don't think I'm ready to go run around in a bikini and show them off.  I just felt like this was a good reminder to me (and any mothers or future mothers out there) that my body has been pushed to the edge, it has been stretched, it has been pained, it has been put to use to bring a perfect little boy into this world.  And I will do it over and over again.  I gave up a very big part of me to have a child but when it comes down to it there are no regrets.  If I work hard and care for my body maybe one day I'll fit into my pre-baby jeans.  Maybe I never will again.  Who cares, I am a mother and that feels a million times better than having a six pack.  

 

 When I see pre-baby pictures I immediately think "oh what I would give to look like that again!"  But you know what, its all about what I wouldn't give.  I would never give up my opportunity to be a mother just to have a few less stretch marks on my stomach.  I can (and will!) lose the weight, even if it is after my child bearing years are over.  But the little (or big) belly sag that comes with a C-section, the marks, the wider hips, those I will keep and that's okay.  Its okay because I am a mom and that is exactly what I want to be. 

 

Starting Over

I have started my weight loss counter over.  The 50 pounds I have lost so far is great, but I feel like it came off relatively easy after having Rees.  So, its the last 17 that are killing me.  Losing these last 17 pounds will be MUCH more of an accomplishment than the first 50.  Besides, 8 of that was baby, and about 30 was water weight.

What scares me most is that I'm planning on having another baby relatively soon (not an announcement!) and I just don't want to go through this all again.  It is so hard.  It depresses me a little bit.  It makes me question whether or not Rees needs siblings.  But, as my mom says, this is my season.  My season to give of myself completely, in every way possible, and bring beautiful babies into this world.  When this season is over I will miss it so much, and I won't care what I weighed.  I love my mom, she is always there to encourage me, in everything.

I am a goal setter, so if nothing else, just seeing that number on this blog will remind me of my daily goal to take care of myself.

A Fitness Workout.

I'm thinking of taking up Prancercising.  Just watching this video gives me a pretty good workout.

 

The Truth Is...

The truth is that I have about 15 pounds to lose.
The truth is that I love unhealthy food so keeping myself away from it is soooo hard.
The truth is that I also love healthy food, so that is a plus.
The truth is that I haven't felt comfortable in my own skin in a LONG time.
The truth is that I tend to say to myself "diet starts tomorrow"
The truth is that I can't imagine myself actually losing weight, and I think thats the problem.
The truth is that I get really jealous of those who have never had to struggle with their weight.
The truth is that I do love my curves and I wouldn't want to lose them.  I just want to slim a bit.
The truth is that I run 12-15 miles each week, you would think that I would be a lot thinner.
The truth is that I know my husband loves me for exactly who I am, so why do I even worry?
The truth is that I always think "well, when I finally lose the weight then I'll do _____ or go ____"
The truth is that I can't stand when people label others as skinny or fat, why not as smart, or kind, or beautiful?
The truth is that I HATE thinking this way.  I want to just worry about being healthy and not about how much weight I need to lose all the time.
The truth is that I need to change my mindset.  Here is to thinking healthy and not being fixated on the number on the scale.

Fail.

Do you ever just feel like a failure?

For the most part, I don't. But when it comes to eating healthy, I do. I just can't seem to stick with a plan. I eat until it hurts, and then I usually eat some more. It just isn't something I can control very easily. And then I feel like crap and get depressed and it's that much harder to start over again. But I have to, I have to always start again. I get so jealous of the girls that bounced back to their Pre-baby body so quickly. I get mad thinking about those that didn't have to work at it. I get depressed thinking about those that did because I'm not as strong as they are. The worst is that I think I look alright, until I see a picture of myself. Then I want to never eat again. But, that isn't the answer. The answer is to do something good for myself each and every day. What did I do today? I didn't eat any sugar. What am I going to do tomorrow? Ill decide that in the morning. I have decided that I can choose what is hard in my life. Would I rather have it be hard to control my eating habits or hard to live in a body that depresses me? I think I'll choose the first. Tomorrow is a new beginning. I can do this.

Friday Favorite

This Friday Favorite is brought to you by the men's section at Target. I found this shirt for $9! It is so comfy and is perfect to wear while lounging around the house. I may have bought two more because I was so pleased. I am not the kind of person that can stay in my sweats all day, but I'm also not the kind that likes to dress up everyday. That is why I love t-shirts. They are simple, just like me. I highly reccommend grabbing one for yourself!

Ps- this picture not only makes me look much thinner than I am, but it also makes me look like I have no legs...spooky!

Try This! Tuesday

I hereby promise to be a better blogger.  I really have a good reason, I promise.  My reason for not blogging is three fold. 
1. Blogger has not been letting me upload pictures.  Why, I do not know.
2.  Greg is both researching and writing his senior thesis paper this semester (this is usually done in two semesters) so he takes over the office every night leaving me high and dry with no computer.
3. During the day I am either chasing a little boy around the house, or recovering from chasing a little boy around the house and spending time on the computer doesn't sound as appealing as sitting on the couch.  There, I said it.  I'm lazy.

Balsamic Chicken, Spinach, and Tortellini Salad

Since it is Tuesday and all, I thought I would share a new recipe that you should all try.  My sister-in-law made this amazing main-dish salad when we visited a few months ago. I have been craving it ever since.  I vaguely remembered her saying that she found the recipe on pinterest, so I started to search. And guess what?  I found it!  I have made it a few times for our small family and I can never get enough. 

Click here for the recipe.  Enjoy!

Calories:  who knows
Weight Watchers Points:  7 for 1/4 of salad.

Friday Favorite

This week my friday favorite is the Nike Flex Run shoe.  I got a pair of these for Christmas and I love them!  They are so light!

I'm hoping my love for them will encourage me to run a little more this year.

New Beginnings

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hate new year's eve- I really don't understand the point of that holiday.  But, I do love the renewal that comes with a new year.  I love setting goals for myself and trying to find ways to be the best version of me. 

This year my goals involve my physical health, as well and my spiritual, mental, intellectual, and emotional well-being.  I am trying to be a more well-rounded person so it only made sense to me to set goals for all aspects of my life.  Some of my goals this year include....

1. Spending more time doing the things that I really enjoy.  Why waste time doing something you hate if you dont have to?

2. Tracking every mile I run.  I don't care what the total is at the end of the year, I just want to track it

3.  Create a recipe binder

4. Read the Book of Mormon with my hubby

5. Read more in general

6. Write in my journal more often

7. Do more yoga 

8. Get more sleep 

Here are some good ol' pinterest quotes that have motivated me and might have the same effect on you.

I love this quote.  The prettiest thing a girl can wear is her smile right?

Ugh, so you're telling me that if I want a rockin' bod then I'm going to have to work for it?  Geez! 

This quote has actually helped me out a lot in the past few months.  I found that I compare myself to others.  a lot. And I need to stop.  I need to stop because its okay to just be me.  I don't need to wear what everyone else is wearing, or look the way everyone else looks.  I don't need to feel like a failure because I don't exercise everyday and I'll never be a size 4. I don't need to feel like a crappy mom because I see all of these women who seem to do it all.  As long as I am doing the best I can, and am happy with the person that I am, its okay.  Rees will love me just the same.  Greg will love me just the same.  I doubt either of them will ever notice if I am not wearing the cool shade of toe nail polish or my house isn't decorated perfectly.  They love me for me and that is all I can ask for.  

I hope you have had a fantastic holiday season and here is to an amazing new year!